Mesut Ozil mistaken for statue, thrown in River Lea

Arsenal midfielder Mesut Özil was dumped in the River Lea this evening after protesters mistook him for a statue, it has emerged.

According to reports, the slothful 31-year-old German was standing around at a training session as the club makes preparations for their return to Premier League football on 20th June, when he was descended upon by an incensed group of protesters, believing him to be yet another statue of an undeserving slave owner from years past.

The rowdy group of protesters were part of the Black Lives Matter movement revitalised by the death of George Floyd in May and their current focus is ridding the world of monuments dedicated to racists.

So determined were they to throw what was thought to be a still-life effigy (and not just a lazy bastard who can't be bothered to earn his £350,000 a week salary) into a river, the rabble lugged Özil's limp, lifeless body for two hours, all the way from Arsenal's training ground in London Colney to the River Lea near Hatfield.

Witnesses at the scene confirmed the German stayed deathly still throughout the entire ordeal and offered nothing in the way of protest, so accustomed is he to being carried.

More on this story after he emerges.

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