De Gea told to shave that f***ing thing off or he's benched

Manchester United manager Ole Gunnar Solksjaer has told David De Gea to shave his horrendous beard off or he'll spend the rest of the season on the bench.

As we all know, the Premier League, and the rest of the United Kingdom in fact, has been on hold since March due to the coronavirus pandemic, and millions have been left without a fresh haircut for months now.

Even football players in their infinite wealth have been left without a trim, and the usually slick Spanish stopper David De Gea turned up to training this week with a bushy, almost pubescent beard, much to Reds manager Solskjaer's dismay.

"I couldn't believe it when he rocked up to training", said a flabbergasted Solskjaer. "He looked like a bloody nonce. I told him straight away: "shave that f***ing thing off".

"I said "If you turn up to training with that 1980s pornstar bush on your face again, you're benched for the rest of the season, you Spanish peacock"."

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